Gagna Nadella’s youngest son, at almost 2-years-old, couldn’t eat solid foods or speak. As both a physician and a mother, Nadella quickly became concerned. Desperate for answers, she reached out to a social worker.

After some time, Nadella received the answer: her son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

“It is a devastating diagnosis,” Nadella said. “It’s not like someone tells you you only have six months to live, but all of a sudden you get this news about how your 2-year-old is never going to have a normal life.”

Although the diagnosis may be surprising and possibly devastating at first, children with autism, despite the struggles they may face, can live successful lives, according to the National Library of Medicine. 

Nadella’s story, however, is only one of the many, as thousands of parents navigate similar diagnoses every year.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), autism is present in one in every 31 children. Furthermore, The Children’s Guild reports that approximately one in every five children is neurodivergent.

A neurodivergent individual is anyone with a neurological disorder or disability. The presentation of neurodivergence in individuals varies significantly. No matter how it presents, each individual has their own unique strengths and weaknesses.

Behind the scenes, parents are working to accommodate and provide for their child’s unique needs.

“I often tell parents of children with autism or developmental differences that they have to wear multiple hats,” said Tracy Jordan, a child therapist and researcher. “They’re parents, but they also have to be therapists, teachers, advocates, and friends.”

With so many responsibilities, it is no surprise that in a systematic review, Elisa Serafini and colleagues found that parents of neurodivergent children experience elevated stress and significant emotional challenges.

“The most challenging part of having a neurodiverse child or children is coping with their emotion regulation, particularly with regard to anxiety, agitation, and feeling despondent,” said Tony Attwood, a clinical psychologist specialising in neurodiversity and developmental disorders.

It may be difficult for parents to navigate neurodivergence in their families, but this does not mean it is impossible, and it can be gratifying. Just as Nadella did, many parents learn to love, accept, and support their neurodivergent children.

Receiving the diagnosis 

Nadella’s devastating experience with her son’s diagnosis is not unique. According to a study conducted by Ingrid Zugey Galán-Vera and others, many parents of children diagnosed with autism go through a grieving process.

“I was first confused because I didn’t know exactly what it would mean for his future,” said Gautum Nadella, Gagna Nadella’s husband. “Then I was a bit sad.”

Parents may also feel isolated due to a lack of community or support.

“It’s really, really isolating,” Gagna Nadella said. “I felt that with both my kids. They both have a lot of different needs, and when your child has a really severe disorder, you can’t really mix with other families.”

Thus, the period following the diagnosis of a neurodivergent child can be very distressing. However, parents do not have to go through this period alone.

There are multiple organizations and centers in the Bay Area dedicated to helping parents and their neurodiverse children.

“We’re lucky because we live in a county that provides a lot of resources for disabled individuals,” Gagna Nadella said.

One of the many ways Gagna Nadella’s son is given the love and support he needs is through soccer. Every week, Gagna Nadella’s son is taught soccer by a high school volunteer through the American Youth Soccer Organization (AYSO) Everyone Plays In our Community (EPIC) program.

Through the program, he has learned not just about soccer, but also about communication and companionship. The program, to him, serves as an example of how the community is willing to help children like him and families like his own.

Maintaining a positive attitude is always essential when interacting with neurodivergent individuals. Although it may be difficult, it both encourages the child and allows parents to feel more optimistic.

“Having our son has been a great joy in our life, and although we were afraid of what his future might be like,  everything has turned out so beautifully,” said Renata Nordell, a mother of a young adult with Down syndrome.

Creating a neuro-affirming environment

A neuro-affirming environment is a space where neurodivergent individuals feel safe and accepted for who they are. It means viewing neurological differences as natural variations rather than defects or something that needs fixing. For neurodivergent individuals, neuro-affirming spaces can have profound positive impacts.

There are numerous ways to create this type of environment. According to The Autism Service, using neuro-affirming language creates a more supportive space and empowers neurodivergent individuals. This includes moving away from clinical terminology and using colloquial diction, as well as phrasing things positively.

Using particular diction is just one way to create a supportive space for neurodivergent individuals. Implementing flexible and accessible communication methods, such as sign language or an augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) device, is another way to create a neuro-affirming environment.

Sensory accommodations can also create safe spaces for neurodivergent individuals. This may include being patient when a child or adult refuses to wear or eat something due to its texture, providing sensory tools such as fidget devices and reducing overwhelming stimuli.

“Some parents have an expectation that their child will go up to doors, say trick or treat, and wear their costume all night on Halloween,” Jordan said. “But for a child with autism who might have sensory sensitivities to the clothing, materials, costumes, or who might feel very uncomfortable about approaching strangers, it can feel like a huge accomplishment.”

Gagna Nadella and Gautum Nadella strive to create an accepting and supportive environment for their son. He uses an AAC device, has a therapist and teacher, and has other resources to accommodate his needs. All of these resources help him thrive and allow his family to communicate and interact with him.

“My favorite part of working with neurodiverse children and their families is the creativity and compassion of parents and the neurodiverse child’s determination to overcome many of the difficulties they face, especially at school,” Attwood said.

Different communication styles, specialized devices, and various forms of education often differentiate neurotypical families from neurodiverse ones. However, neurotypical and neurodiverse families share many commonalities as well as differences.

Neurodiverse families share the same love and care that many neurotypical families do. Although they may not be able to communicate or express their feelings in the same way, they still have their unique methods of giving each other care and love.

Supporting and accommodating neurodivergent children may be difficult and stressful for parents, especially at first, but it is still possible for neurodiverse families to create loving and meaningful bonds. 

“Every family has their own challenges, even without neurodivergence for neurotypical children and parents,” Jordan said. “The challenges might look different, but there are always bright spots.”