Growing up surrounded by other queer people, Sahana James realized at a young age that she was bisexual. Unlike many others, there was no defining moment when she realized she liked girls; it had always been part of her identity.

However, from elementary school to high school, casual homophobia and assumptions about her identity followed James, shaping the way her classmates viewed her and the way she viewed herself.

Misconception: It’s a choice to be queer

“In elementary school, just like I had crushes on guys, I would have crushes on girls,” James said. “I didn’t talk to my parents about it all the time, but my uncle is gay, so I would talk to him about it.”

Having another queer family member to talk to was an important part of validating her feelings as a young child. Through her uncle, she came to understand that being bisexual was a part of who she was, not something that needed to be suppressed.

Many people believe your sexual orientation is something that is chosen and can be deliberately changed. This belief continues today as people think sexuality is based on behavior, not identity. They believe you decide to date the same gender.

“Biological studies of things like gender expression and sexuality demonstrate that there is an interplay between our biology and the social environment that makes us who we are and affects our behavior,” said Jen Reck, a professor at San Francisco State University who teaches sociology and sexuality studies.

James’ experience reflects these biological studies. Her sexuality had always been a deep-rooted part of her identity, not just a behavior she decided to act on. James’ environment, surrounded by more support than rejection, allowed her to express her feelings openly; a scenario that is not the same for many. 

“For some people, trusting their instincts may lead them to decide to act upon same-sex attractions; for others, it may be too difficult for a variety of reasons that are specific to their lives, for example: age, gender, familial attitudes and beliefs, living situations, work or school environments,” said Marcia Gallo, a professor at Las Vegas University and an author who specializes in LGBTQ+ history, especially lesbian activism.

Misconception: Bisexuality is just a phase

Among queer teens, bisexuality is often viewed as a phase. The notion that only adults can truly understand themselves drives this idea towards younger people. 

“It’s very untrue that young people have limited capacity. They have the capacity to understand a great deal about themselves and the world,” Reck said.

From a young age, James understood that she liked girls, and it wasn’t just a phase she was going through, but as she came to understand and accept her sexual orientation, she felt pressure to put a label on her identity. 

“I think when you are younger, you try to put labels on things and you don’t understand the fluidity of a lot of stuff, so I remember telling my mom I was a lesbian,” James said. “I didn’t know what the word was, but I said it because I had crushes on girls.” 

However, as she got older, she realized that just because she liked girls didn’t mean she was restricted to the label of being a “lesbian.” She came to understand that sexuality is a spectrum, and she could identify anywhere between the two ends.

“I think sexuality is so different for everyone, and it’s really unfair to categorize it into two categories,” James said.

According to the Bi+ Health Inequalities Pamphlet, 92% of people who identified as bisexual still did so 10 years later. 

However, in school, James experienced a lot of casual homophobia, and assumptions were constantly made about her identity because she liked girls. Especially in middle school, certain kids would direct insults and homophobic slurs at her. 

“Every single day in middle school, I would be called a lesbian, which is not a bad thing, but it was directed as an insult,” James said.

For James, the homophobia she experienced came from others depicting her sexuality as something shameful. The label of lesbian was also inaccurate for James’ identity, and came from uneducated assumptions.

“A lot of boys in school tend to see it as, if you like a girl and you are a girl, then you are a lesbian, and if you are a guy who likes guys, then you are gay. They want to completely forget the other side of your attraction,” James said.

The lack of understanding about the queer community causes assumptions to be made — even if they are unintentional — that can profoundly affect the person on the receiving end. Backlash about being bisexual has shaped aspects of James’ identity that she continues to struggle with. 

“It’s definitely hard being bisexual because you want to associate yourself with being queer, but then there’s also a part of you that obviously still likes guys,” James said. “You never feel enough for either group, or you never associate with either group, which is hard because you don’t want to close yourself off to one identity.”

Misconception: All religions reject LGBTQ+ people

The complete rejection of queer people in society has gradually gone down over the past 20 years. However, many people who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community face homophobia from people because of religious reasons, prompting the idea that all religions reject queer people.

“None of my older relatives know about my identity, and I don’t think I could tell them because they would freak,” James said. “I definitely see problems where my family lives on the East Coast because I could never tell anyone in the church there.”

James is Christian and is supported by her parents, but when it comes to older or more distant relatives, she has to be careful with sharing her sexuality.

According to the Pew Research Center, 48% of bisexual, lesbian, gay, and transgender people in the United States identify with a religion. For queer people, faith and identity do not have to be completely at odds with each other, but can be integrated and coexist.

Different communities, even within the same religions, hold a wide range of beliefs about LGBTQ+ people, with some rejecting queer identities and others fully supporting them. 

“People in California are a lot more open and willing to be educated on certain subjects, whereas other people might be more conservative,” James said. “It depends on where you are and what kind of people you are surrounded by.”

Coming out to her parents was an overall positive experience, but it also came with some challenges. While James’ mom was fully supportive of her, her dad needed some time to process the idea.

“It’s easy when you aren’t super knowledgeable on a topic to clump things together or be super black and white, but it’s really important to be proactive about educating yourself on the queer community,” James said. “It can be really harmful to someone’s identity, even if it’s not your intention.”