From unfamiliar crowds to sudden sounds, Navy SEAL Commander Curt Cronin realized he would have to learn how to live again. The night of his return, a startling truth shocked him: the hardest part wasn’t fighting in combat, it was surviving the return.
Veterans often return home with a changed perception of the world, suffering from different physical and psychological conditions as a result of their deployment.
“With post-traumatic stress, survivors’ guilt, fragmented sleep, chronic pain, and an increased sense of disconnection, returning home is far from easy,” said Brandi D’haiti, a veteran and current therapist.
Mental health
The struggles of integration begin with loss on the battlefield. Coming back from war is a difficult process, and oftentimes, soldiers never fully recover from the things they experience in combat.
Cronin still recalls the deadliest helicopter incident in the history of the U.S. Special Operations, which occurred in Afghanistan in 2011.
“It happened when Extortion 17 was shot down. I was the Gold Squadron’s two troop commander, so I had just rotated to a different position, and then that helicopter got shot down,” Cronin said. “It was the most devastating time in my entire life. Thirty-eight of my men were there, and none of them made it.”
Participating in life-changing experiences has a profound impact on one’s psychological well-being. Many fall into episodes of survivor’s guilt in response to the trauma.
“It’s my greatest fear. I tell myself that I could’ve been there to protect my men if I were on a different mission with them,” Cronin said.
Cronin is not the only one facing this mindset. According to Mission Roll Call, the most common mental health challenges veterans face are post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), traumatic brain injury (TBI), depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, affecting an estimated 41% of veterans.
Suicide and drug abuse
Given the severity of mental health disorders, suicide is more prevalent among veterans. According to American Addiction Centers, Veterans are nearly twice as likely to commit suicide compared to non-veterans.
“You’ll see things that are horrible beyond anything you’ve ever imagined. It’s very difficult to try and explain your experiences to others, and unfortunately, I’ve lost a significant number of my friends to suicide,” Cronin said.
These psychological thoughts can be very damaging, even to the extent of drug abuse.
“You see, some people get into drug use because of PTSD and other mental health aspects. I definitely saw some friends, even close friends who struggle with drug abuse and alcohol abuse,” said former U.S. Army member Eli Brown. “I know some of them still struggle to this day, even 20 years later.”
“I’ve seen friends who spiral into a self-destructive tendency every year after they leave the military. If they’re an alcoholic, they start drinking again, even if they’ve been sober for eight months. Survivor’s guilt starts triggering some sort of PTSD episode for many,” Brown said.
Physical effects
Besides the psychological effects upon returning home, veterans often suffer from the physical impacts of their service, such as chronic pain.
“People most commonly struggle with back, neck, and knee stuff, chronic pain, difficulties sleeping, high blood pressure, arthritis, and even cancer from chemicals. It varies depending on everyone’s job and where they were,” D‘haiti said.
Physical effects vary depending on the service. According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, many veterans were exposed to carcinogenic toxins such as Agent Orange or radioactive uranium bullets.
Soldiers undergo extreme physical stress, which takes a serious toll on the human body.
“My body is really beat up. My spine is compressed from jumping out of airplanes, and I’ve lost over two inches in height,” Brown said.
Family changes
The transition back from life overseas to stateside is very drastic, especially when it comes to the families soldiers leave behind. Even when veterans return, they have to find their place again within their family dynamic.
“My parents bought me a burial plot right before I went to my first combat deployment to Iraq,” Cronin said.
Soldiers often miss major milestones and crucial life moments. Cronin missed the birth of his first son, Connor Cronin.
“Say you’re on a six-month deployment, especially when children are young. When I left and when I got back, my kids were fundamentally different humans,” Cronin said.
The reality is that veterans will have to reconnect with their families, friends, and more.
Figuring things out and getting used to life is not instantaneous. It’s a process that can take years.
“It’s also about acclimating and getting to know their whole families again because kids don’t stop growing, spouses don’t stop living, we continue changing each day, and there’s a new version of this person that we have to reconnect with,” D’haiti said.
Daily life
Even at home, Cronin’s service-oriented behavior can be triggered by something as ordinary as a bedroom drawer.
“While I was serving in Iraq, terrorists were launching these Chinese rockets that had a specific, distinct whirring sound when they hit the target. Every night they were launching these rockets at our base,” Cronin said.
One night during his service, Cronin heard a rocket hit near his team’s security checkpoint.
As soon as he heard the noise, he jumped up and ran towards his men. Cronin had gone to check on his men just moments before he began to notice something frightening.
“The next rocket hit the roof right above my head, completely collapsing the ceiling. Had I not been service-oriented, had I not gone to check on one of my men, it would have collapsed on me,” Cronin said.
This memory continues to haunt him over two decades later. Every day activities would trigger his life-or-death instincts from past wars.
“My wife pulled open a drawer, and the sound it made when she pulled felt exactly like one of those rockets,” Cronin said.
Cronin heard the noise and sprawled himself on the ground of his bedroom. With one jammed drawer, Cronin found himself back in Iraq in 2004, back to the rockets that determined who lived and who didn’t.
“I was on the ground, and I had not thought about it. I was trained that if I heard that specific sound, to get down instantly,” Cronin said. “Everything is rewired for unconscious action. If you wait to think, you die.”
Brown shares similar experiences, namely with large noises and busy crowds.
“Fireworks can trigger me. The booms and explosions remind me of getting mortar attacks at various times in Iraq & Afghanistan. I am also not a big fan of massive crowds in areas that I am not familiar with as it reminds me of doing patrols through Baghdad and Mosul, Iraq,” Brown said.
Purpose
When a soldier reintegrates into civilian life, finding a purpose is a common struggle. Active-duty members are accustomed to the unit-type environment and can become desensitized to societal cultures.
Soldiers were told what to do. They are not taught to think individually, which is strikingly different from civilian society. As a veteran therapist, D’haiti also observed this common theme among soldiers.
“When you’re in the military, that’s everything to you. Most of your identity is tied to that. When you get out, you have to reinvent the wheel,” D’haiti said.
Suffering mentally, physically, and emotionally is difficult, but recovery is more than possible.
“I went to therapy because I saw and did some stuff that shook me a little bit. There is such a stigma in the military that it’s not manly to talk about your feelings or issues. But I’ve found that when you get treatment, like talking to therapists, it gets better,” Brown said.
Cronin did not go to therapy, but he found his own path towards recovery after returning home.
“I could’ve shifted into living a life of PTSD, but I was able to convert that into post-traumatic growth. Everything I do to drive impact in the world now is a result of trying to make the world a better place,” Cronin said.
After facing life-or-death scenarios that take place in the military, soldiers emphasize living life to the fullest.
“Going to war changes your decisions and life cycles,” Cronin said. “The most important aspect is making sure, every single day, that everyone knows that I love them because I’m very aware that tomorrow is not guaranteed.”
