Alien parasite attacks celebrity

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After years of wondering what was wrong with him, scientists have discovered that Donald Trump’s fine, golden comb-over is actually an alien parasite in disguise.

Many have questioned, “just what could make him say that?” Now the world knows that it was the hair controlling him the whole time.

When asked why the alien parasite chose Trump to be its host it just hissed and spit, but after weeks of going through ancient language archives it was discovered that what it actually said was, “I came to Earth looking for a human to inhabit so that I could take over the planet, but I made a mistake and accidentally landed on an escaped mental patient. I thought he was rich and powerful because he was standing on the street in all white telling someone he was fired. It turns out that he was firing a parking meter.”

There is also speculation that Trump and Smeagol, from Lord of the Rings, are one in the same, seeing as their hair is so similar.

The hair parasite did not confirm whether or not he did try to make Smeagol/Trump bite Frodo’s finger off, but he did say gloomily, “Even with all my powers…I try to mind control him to tell him what to say, and he still gets it all wrong and ends up saying something crazy.”

Who knows what the alien parasite will make Trump say next, but I don’t think humans should be worried about him taking over the planet anytime soon.

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