Family and friends who lost a teenager to suicide

Abigail Bendis’ death affected the family in many ways. 

According to Cheryl Bendis, Abigail’s mom, Abigail was friendly and outgoing. She was also intelligent, and she loved school.

Abigail’s death brought up difficult emotions for her family.

At first, it is common for a family to blame themselves and the child.

“Anytime we lose someone, whether it’s because they ended their own life or not, we may be searching for any reasons to find an explanation for why that happened, and that may lead us to have some judgments or question what we could have done differently, or better,” Dr. Atasuntseva said.

In the Bendis family’s experience, their immediate reaction was to question Abigail. They couldn’t find any reason why she would die so suddenly.

“I kept thinking, how could she do this? Why didn’t she talk to us?” Cheryl said. 

In reality, according to Dr. Atasuntseva, there is no one real reason for someone to die of suicide, and it never really is one person’s fault.

When dealing with the death of a loved one to suicide, having a support group, whether friends of the loss or even a stranger who had a similar experience with losing someone to suicide, has been shown to help a person heal.

“We keep those connections with other friends of Abigail because it helps us from both sides,” Cheryl said.

Even if a person does not know someone they can talk to or share their feelings with, Dr. Atasuntseva recommends reaching out to a local National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). NAMI can help people find support groups if they are dealing with a loss and putting the fault on themselves, their child, or their friend who has died.

“It can be really helpful just to be around others and normalize and validate that you’re not alone in feeling that way, and it’s also not your fault,” Dr. Atasuntseva said.

It’s been almost five years since Abigail’s death, and while it has gotten easier for many friends and family of Abigail, there are still days when they struggle with the loss.

In Cheryl’s life, there are happy days and sad days, and there are times when she cries remembering her child.

“Don’t let someone tell you that your feelings aren’t appropriate because what you are feeling is what you are feeling,” Cheryl said.

Many people, especially teens, think that their feelings are invalid and that they are stupid for feeling that way. In reality, it is okay to feel, and Cheryl believes people should share their emotions.

 “If you are feeling it, go ahead and feel it and let people know,” Cheryl said.

*This source’s name is changed due to medical/health privacy. For more information on Carlmont Media’s anonymous sourcing, check out Scot Scoop Policies.