The maternal challenge

The responsibilities she had to take on at home and at work made it especially more complicated, but she had help. With her mom at home being able to help Tanner’s children, she was able to create STAR HARBOR. 

“My mom was extraordinary after my second baby was born…I would say she was absolutely the reason why I was able to do what I’ve done in the early days of getting STAR HARBOR set up. She helped get the kids ready for school in the morning. We would trade off from some of these responsibilities,” Tanner said. 

Mark explains the importance of this support system, especially for women, as it could be the difference between getting opportunities or leaving them behind. 

“Women are living in what we call the ‘sandwich generation.’ They’re either taking care of parents or their children, or others around them and then you certainly have your work requirements. It’s been really difficult during the pandemic. A lot of women left the workforce because they just didn’t have the support that they needed,” Mark said. 

The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America (PNAS) conducted a research study about the number of parents who change their commitment to the workforce after having children. The study found that the number of moms left for other types of jobs was notably higher than those of fathers. 

“… By the second survey wave in 2006, after their first child, 15% of new fathers had left a full-time STEM job (85% stayed), and 42% of new mothers had left a full-time STEM job (only 58% stayed). By the final survey wave (2010), at 4–7 y(ears) after the birth or adoption of their first child, 23% of new fathers and 43% of new mothers had left full-time STEM employment for other types of work or had left the labor force entirely,” states PNAS.  

Even with help from Tanner’s own support system which was allowing her to keep working to build her company, some were still skeptical of the work she was doing or not encouraging of the choices she was making as a mother. 

“I remember talking to one of the moms from I think it was my daughter’s class and she was like, ‘Wow, that’s amazing. I would never be able to leave my children for that long.’ It’s a really backhanded comment because she sort of implied that she loved her kids more than I loved mine because I was willing to leave them, and it just really hit me,” Tanner said. 

As Tanner explains, the bigger problem of moms in society is the expectations society puts on mothers to be near-perfect when fathers are not dealing with the same consequences for their paternal decisions. 

“Like the travel I mentioned, one of the challenges is I don’t really see the dad counterparts dealing with so much…When they look at dads going on business trips, it’s just what is done, right? But for a lot of moms, I think there’s a lot of questions about like, are you doing the right thing? Are your kids gonna be okay? If you leave them for a week, are you like, somehow, destroying their childhood because you’re not there all the time,” Tanner said. 

Mothers who decide to remain in their current positions after having children face the same kind of questions about whether they are still devoted and reliable workers, which is proven to be the case by the PNAS. 

“Even mothers who remain in the professional workforce full time encounter stereotypes painting them as less competent than equally qualified men and childless women and face salary penalties and career barriers even while contributing the same dedicated work,” states the PNAS study. 

SuDaerra Hoffman, Tanner’s daughter, had grown up to have a great image of her mother despite Tanner having to manage a company while raising Hoffman and her brother.