Filling in the blanks

Although they cared deeply for each other, for much of Kim’s childhood, her family kept to themselves, rarely having moments in which they chose to be vulnerable with each other. 

“Silence at the dinner table was normal for my family. Like many other Asian American households, we rarely exchanged feelings, thoughts, and stories with one another,” Kim said. “I believe my parents never shared stories or even their emotions with their children because of a difference in culture.”

However, as an adult, Kim understands that they were focused on trying to survive in their new home. 

“They were in survival mode from day one in America. Time and space to be was a luxury they were without,” Kim said. 

For so long, Kim felt more like a caretaker than a child in her relationship with her parents. But as years and decades went by, Kim started to see how her parents’ bodies were growing weaker, how they were reaching a fragile stage of their life both mentally and physically. 

It was almost a sudden reminder that they were getting older — that no person escapes the cycle of life. 

“In my eyes, my parents had been frozen in time, until they weren’t. It broke my heart thinking about my parents leaving this Earth without me ever knowing them as people,” Kim said. “I desperately wanted to hear, learn, and preserve their stories.”

Now, as an adult, even if her parents don’t volunteer to share, Kim has chosen to ask rather than wait. About three years ago, she started to intentionally ask her parents about their upbringing, their hometown, and what their lives were like before they met each other. 

While piecing these answers together, she realized there were many blanks she could fill in on her own.

As a result of language brokering for decades, Kim grew closer to her parents, gaining insight into their preferences, habits, and behaviors. 

Similarly, studies have shown that youth brokers often report that language brokering facilitates family discussions, participation in family decision-making, and opportunities to connect with parents who may otherwise be less available. These experiences generally contribute to positive, adaptive family dynamics that support stronger relationships.

“I thought I barely knew them when, in fact, I did. From the moment I started to translate for my parents at the age of 9 years old, I was filling in the gaps where their English was lacking,” Kim said. “My umma and appa gave me a window into their being, even if it was a byproduct of an unfortunate burden of immigration.”

An example of how language brokering offered Kim insight into her parents is a particular trip to TJ Maxx. 

Her mother was browsing through leather bags, slowly trailing down the aisle as she ran her fingers along the rows of purses and clutches, only stopping when she found a bag that caught her eye. It was a beautiful, black leather shoulder bag, but after holding it up for a few seconds, she set it back down on the rack. 

“She wanted it in chestnut brown,” Kim said. “She said that brown is more classic, that you can wear it with many more outfits than black. So she had me ask one of the employees if they possibly had a brown bag in the back.”

Remembering this moment, Kim was able to recognize her mother’s love for fashion, her detailed care for what she wanted, and her knowledge of what would look good on her shoulders. 

“My umma was a woman who looked forward to the days she could get dressed up,” Kim said. “Church on Sunday was the one day out of the week she wasn’t in her oil-stained factory clothes of jeans and shirts.”

Whether it was a casual translation of menu items at a restaurant or inquiring about a different-colored purse, these translations of English to Korean served as an intimate place for discovering her parents. 

However, as with any intimate relationship, Kim and her family also faced many hardships, and through these struggles, her role as their daughter and translator took on a new, profound meaning.