Manipulation, stalking, violence, date rape. These words are not associated with a healthy, loving relationship. In the world of dark romance books, however, these words reflect norms commonly featured in the relationships portrayed.
Many teenagers, especially girls, enjoy reading romance. Romance Writers of America states that 82% of romance readers are women. Teens can be easily influenced by book recommendations they see on TikTok, Instagram, and other social media. BookTok, a user-labeled book-focused subcommunity of TikTok, is responsible for many of the books made famous by social media.
While there are thousands of wholesome, sweet romance books made famous by social media, BookTok can have a tendency to promote darker romance books. With 1.6 million #darkromancebooks tagged posts and counting, there’s no shortage of videos promoting these books.
Sofie Dodge, a sophomore at Berkeley High School, loves water polo, hanging out with friends, and shopping. She also loves reading — especially romance and dark romance books. Dodge has been reading Dark Romance since 7th grade. Before she got into dark romance, she enjoyed fantasy and more fluffy, wholesome romance novels. But, for her, dark romance provides an emotional whirlwind that often isn’t as highlighted in other genres.
Dark romance books are morally gray and are often more mysterious and taboo than the standard romance book. Many of the books involve themes such as jealousy, age gaps, and forbidden romances.
“’Who hurt you’ or extreme jealousy are some of my favorite tropes. Because, at least for me, it’s really hot to feel wanted,” Dodge said.
Along with taboo topics heavily present in the dark romance genre, relationships portrayed in these books often include a violent or abusive man coupled with a weak and helpless woman. Furthermore, the male love interest generally takes control of sexual situations, choosing not to talk about or consider consent.
Laurel Roberts-Meese, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) at Laurel Therapy Collective, reiterated how important consent is in real-life relationships.
“Teens must have a thorough understanding and social reinforcement around consent when it comes to sexuality and power dynamics. In fiction, consent is often skipped over or presumed by the nature of the containment within the structured narrative. In real life, consent must be explicitly verbalized and continual,” Roberts-Meese said.
Racquel Walker, a psychologist at Carlmont High School, elaborates more on the relationships shown in dark romance books.
“The relationships in some of the books depict kidnappings, sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, violence, and slavery – elements of human trafficking. It’s deep and it’s dark, hence the genre,” Walker said.
For teens like Dodge, the intensity of the emotions is part of what draws her into dark romance books.
“I really think the tension and the emotions are a lot better when it’s a dark romance because people are not really afraid to say what they want or do what they want,” Dodge said.
Dodge enjoys reading dark romance books because, for her, along with other teens, dark romance serves as an emotional outlet.
“That lack of realistic situations makes a much better book than a nonfiction or realistic book, especially because I read to sort of escape,” Dodge said.
Another appeal of dark romance books is the hypermasculine male love interests.
“Personally, I’m attracted to a brooding, alpha male type man in dark romance, and I feel that teens want that romanticized type of person in a relationship,” said Olivia Wilson*, a Carlmont freshman.
Teens around the country experience different types of dating violence, including sexual, physical, and mental abuse. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), “in the United States, up to 19% of teens experience sexual or physical dating violence and as many as 65% report being psychologically abused.”
Further, the APA states that dating violence is often caused by teens who don’t have the emotional maturity skills to deal with conflict, jealousy, and rejection.
Fearless! Reclaiming Our Safety explains the different types of dating violence common in teens. Some of the most common experiences of dating violence and abuse include one’s partner controlling how they dress, who they hang out with, and what they do in their free time. Many people also experience dating violence in the form of manipulation, threats, and being pressured to do things they aren’t ready for, like sex.
In dark romance books, many of the most common forms of dating violence and abuse appear more often than not. For teens who experience dating violence, it can be hard to speak up and get help.
Dark romance books often romanticize unhealthy perspectives of romantic relationships and misrepresent the severity of dating violence. For teens who read dark romances and have normalized unhealthy relationships within those books, it can be even harder.
“Unsupportive family, invalidating friends, uncaring teachers, and lack of access to information and resources on dating violence are much higher predictors than reading dark romance,” Roberts-Meese said.
Healthy relationships shouldn’t involve violence. Instead, they should involve honesty, respect, and communication, as highlighted by the New York State Government.
Roberts-Meese elaborated on the traits of a healthy relationship.
“Mutual trust, consent, positive intent, and communication are what a healthy relationship should be built on,” Roberts-Meese said.
Often, in popular dark romance books, the main characters’ romantic relationship is built off behaviors such as lies, rape, and trauma. In one example, Haunting Adeline, readers have described the main characters’ relationship as a “nightmare.” These books can cause teens who read them to develop unhealthy normalizations.
“Dark romance definitely skews a teen’s view of a healthy relationship. In a lot of dark romances, people don’t communicate well. Guys take on a more dominating role and assume a lot, which isn’t what a healthy relationship is,” Wilson said.
Teens who normalize and romanticize these unhealthy relationships also increase their risk for experiencing unhealthy, toxic relationships themselves.
“Romanticizing being treated poorly, making excessive sacrifices, and giving away power to someone who hasn’t earned it can be dangerous, and teens should carefully consider how these decisions would impact them in real life. All relationships have some conflict, but dark romance might cause that conflict to be heightened or excessive,” Roberts-Meese said.
While some psychologists agree that dark romance isn’t the most suitable genre for teens, reading dark romance books without impacting one’s view of healthy relationships is possible.
Wilson shared some of the ways she separates dark romance books from real life.
“Reading reviews, it’s like dumping cold water on your head. Why am I idolizing and loving this book when so many people think it’s terrible?” Wilson said.
Reading reviews is a quick and easy way for Wilson to realize how harmful and toxic the relationships portrayed in dark romance can be.
Teens can learn other key ways to make sure dark romance values don’t begin to seep into a teen’s life and romantic relationships. One approach highlighted by Roberts-Meese is to imagine a friend in a relationship similar to relationships in dark romance books.
“Try this exercise: imagine a good friend you love very much was in a dynamic like one in a dark romance novel. How would you feel about that? Likely you’d feel scared, protective of her, worried, and unsure how to help,” Roberts-Meese said.
Overall, the best way to ensure one isn’t internalizing unhealthy relationship values is to be informed of what a healthy relationship is. Using these techniques highlighted by therapists and readers, teen readers can counteract the negative impacts that dark romance books might have.
It takes an active and informed reader, especially for teens, to avoid normalizing and romanticizing the toxic relationships prevalent in dark romance books.
Dark romance can be a healthy emotional outlet for teens, so long as readers keep in mind traits of a healthy, loving relationship and ensure their own romantic relationship values aren’t being swayed.
*This source’s name is changed in accordance with Carlmont Media’s anonymous sourcing policy due to the sensitive and personal nature of this article.
