The student news site of Carlmont High School in Belmont, California.

Scot Scoop News

The student news site of Carlmont High School in Belmont, California.

Scot Scoop News

The student news site of Carlmont High School in Belmont, California.

Scot Scoop News

Satire: Poof go the homeless in San Francisco

California Gov. Gavin Newsom makes the homeless disappear in San Francisco in preparation of the APEC summit in 2023. (Homeless Epidemic in San Francisco / JCruzTheTruth/WikimediaCommons/CC BY-SA 4.0)

California Gov. Gavin Newsom has proven that he may be a magician as he makes the homeless population of San Francisco disappear with the snap of his fingers in preparation for the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) 2023 summit at the Moscone Center near Nob Hill. 

Newsom has been promising a gradual city clean-up since his election to office in 2018; it only took him nearly six years to realize that he actually has to implement his policy promises. 

Funnily enough, for all of Newsom’s qualms about homelessness being “too expensive” to solve and after throwing billions of dollars at California’s horrific homelessness problem, it took him all but 48 hours to turn San Francisco from a rodent-infested city to a clean, healthy metropolis. 

“I know folks are saying, ‘Oh, they’re just cleaning up this place because all those fancy leaders are coming to town.’ That’s true because it’s true,” Newsom said at a Thursday press conference. 

At least he’s honest. Take notes, Californians. Apparently, the government cares less about its citizens’ needs and more about foreign dignitaries’ week-long visits to the state. Newsom proved that California was capable of reviving its cities; they simply chose not to do so. 

“Gavin Newsom couldn’t clean up SF for years for Americans here at home, yet manages to do it instantly for Xi Jinping. Funny how that works,” said Vivek Ramaswamy, entrepreneur and Republican presidential candidate on X. 

Ramaswamy is not far off the mark. Newsom welcomed the Chinese prime minister, Xi Jinping, with open arms. The Chinese leader touched down at San Francisco International Airport around 3:30 p.m. on Tuesday and was greeted by an enthusiastic crowd of hundreds of supporters and high-level U.S. government officials, including Newsom. You’d think we were welcoming a national hero with the way the streets of San Francisco were decorated with Chinese banners, flags, and communist relics to receive America’s greatest global opponent.

For all of America’s rhetoric of putting America first, it seems Americans are last on the priority list for American politicians. While San Francisco still suffers from a housing crisis, a drug epidemic, and rapidly rising crime rates, it has become evident that the California government is more than capable of addressing its citizens’ qualms. Yet, politicians like Newsom are willing to run the state into a self-destructive rampage until they deem it convenient to follow through with their campaign promises.

So the real question is, what will happen once the foreign dignitaries of the APEC summit return to their countries? Will San Francisco return to its original fate? 

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About the Contributor
Jasneh Sasan, Staff Writer
Jasneh Sasan is presently in her senior year at Carlmont, where she excels as a news and opinion writer with a fervent passion for delving into the realm of politics. Controversial subjects invigorate her and provide the driving force for her pursuits. Beyond her academic commitments, she dedicates a significant portion of her time to engaging in debate competitions and actively participating in journalistic endeavors. Her writing inclination leans towards exploring profound global socio-political matters, but from time to time, she also explores more lighthearted and amusing topics. Twitter: @JasnehSasan Instagram: @jk.sasan (main) and @jasneh.sasan (journalism)

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