TikTok videos and everyday school conversations have made phrases like “that’s toxic,” “you’re gaslighting me,” and “I need to set boundaries” common among Generation Z, shaping how teens describe conflict, relationships, and emotions.
What started as clinical language used in therapy is now widely used online. Often referred to as “therapy speak,” the use of psychological terms in daily conversation has grown rapidly alongside social media. According to a 2025 report from Thriveworks, about 95% of Americans say they hear mental health terms like “trauma” or “narcissist” regularly.
While this shows greater awareness and openness around mental health, researchers and clinicians say the language is increasingly being misused in ways that damage relationships and replace genuine communication with labels.
This language is polarizing Gen Z, with many experts saying it is damaging relationships and isolating individuals by replacing emotional intimacy with buzzwords to hide discomfort and avoid conflict, making it more of a social barrier than a source of connection.
Many of these words have specific clinical meanings. For example, gaslighting refers to a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes another person question their reality or memory over time. But in everyday use, the term is often applied to minor disagreements or misunderstandings, making it harder to differentiate between serious emotional harm and conflict.
Ann Rivello, a clinical social worker and therapist at Choice Point Counseling, has seen many student clients struggle with this language in therapy, revealing both progress and potential problems in how young people may define their experiences before fully understanding them.
“It’s kind of a double-edged sword in some ways. I really appreciate how there’s less stigma about mental illness and more people are talking about mental health — that’s definitely changed in the last 10 or 20 years,” Rivello said.
While greater awareness has made it easier for people to talk about their emotions and seek help, the rise of short-form content on social media platforms has made complex psychological ideas easier to simplify and spread quickly. The words intended to heal communities are now being used to confuse, divide, and sometimes even harm them.
“What I can say is many of the kids, adults, or parents are seeking answers for the discomfort or patterns of distress they are experiencing. In doing so, they may come across many psychological terms that feel like a fit,” said Ursula Jorgensen, a local marriage and family therapist. “However, most of the time, this is based on articles and not a mental health diagnostic tool, so it can be misleading. The only ones who can accurately diagnose are those who have a master’s degree or doctorate in health care or mental health science.”
This language encourages hyper-individualism, where people end relationships or avoid difficult conversations by “setting boundaries,” according to USA Today. Researchers also point to a trend called “concept creep,” where psychological terms are used more broadly than their clinical meaning to describe everyday negative experiences — for example, calling a bad day “traumatizing.”
Many therapists and couples counselors find this trend frustrating, as it can prevent, rather than help, genuine communication and emotional growth. Rather than stopping at labels, Rivello encourages deeper reflection.
“We can unpack what does that mean to you — that a person’s toxic, or that you’re saying you have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Let’s get a little more curious rather than just letting it stop at a catch-all term,” Rivello said.
This tendency to depend on labels can also affect how teens approach relationships. Instead of working through conflict, broad terms can sometimes shut conversations down.
“Sometimes, if you say someone’s gaslighting you or they’re super toxic, you might be inclined to just write them off,” Rivello said. “But just the nature of being human — people are going to disappoint us in any relationship you’re in. If you’re inclined to see things in black and white, you’d be less likely to get curious. Relationships are a lot more complicated than that. If you had a little empathy, you might be able to talk it through with that person rather than labeling them.”
The words can be used to “win” an argument or belittle others instead of dealing with the real issue. They can also make small problems seem like serious psychological issues, creating unnecessary stigma. Mental health professionals say people often use these labels to quickly make sense of difficult situations, especially when emotions are high, or to avoid dealing with messy or complicated feelings. As a result, people may focus more on judging the person than on understanding what actually happened.
“There are very few people who are so narcissistic that you can’t talk to them, or so ‘toxic’ that a relationship is impossible,” Rivello said.
These terms can oversimplify situations and hide what actually happened. Rivello suggests focusing on specific behaviors and what feels harmful, then deciding whether to stay or set boundaries. Calling someone “bad” or “toxic” can make it harder to learn from the situation.
“One of the things that I first do is slow them down and have them check in with their body so that they can understand what signals they’re getting. Emotions often show up in the body. When they tune into that and slow things down, they can better understand what might be going on for them and become more curious about it. From there, they may reach a point where they can label the emotion — sad, mad, or angry. Once they recognize what they’re feeling, they can start to explore why they might be feeling that way, which can provide useful information,” Rivello said.
Emotions are often influenced by more than just one moment; they can be connected to past experiences and repeated patterns. Rivello helps teens move from quick judgments to more meaningful self-awareness.
“People, especially those who spend a lot of time on social media, can start to intellectualize or stereotype situations, thinking in simple labels like ‘they’re bad’ or ‘I’m this or that.’ But that kind of thinking is surface-level and only goes so far,” Rivello said. “In therapy, we slow things down so someone can identify what they’re actually feeling — like sadness.”
The next step is often understanding why the emotions can feel so intense or long-lasting.
“Emotions themselves are often brief, but what keeps them going is what I’d call ‘kindling,'” Rivello said. “A single moment, like a friend saying something hurtful, can connect to many past experiences where someone felt not good enough or rejected. That can trigger an automatic internal story, like ‘people don’t like me,’ which plays in the background without us realizing it. So in therapy, we step back and ask: How old is this feeling? When did it start? Is this a pattern in your life? The goal is to create some distance from the emotion and recognize that while the feeling is real, the story attached to it isn’t always fully true. When people get stuck in an emotion, they often focus only on details that support that story, rather than seeing the bigger picture.”
While Rivello focuses on talk therapy, Jorgensen uses art therapy as another option. It can lower anxiety, reduce communication barriers, and help people express emotions nonverbally through activities such as drawing, painting, or clay. While some people — especially Gen Z students — struggle to talk about their feelings directly, they say emotional language often shows up in more casual, everyday conversations.
Anika Warrier, a junior at Carlmont High School, knows a couple of people who use those terms in daily conversations, including in friendships and dating situations, although they usually use them in a lighthearted way.
“One of my friends jokes around with me and tells me that I gaslight her or I’m toxic,” Warrier said. “For example, if I can’t say that I can hang out, she might respond with ‘you’re super toxic’ even though she doesn’t mean it seriously. People are exaggerating when they use those terms. They throw around those words and smile it off the next second.”
At the same time, Warrier sees this as part of a cultural change towards mental health.
“I think we have become more open about talking about our emotions, and society has become more accepting. Using those words can make it harder because, depending on the person, it can come off as being defensive, depending on a person’s emotional maturity,” Warrier said. “I see a lot of people on social media talk about what you should do in relationships, and I feel like those beliefs have integrated themselves into society. People tend to absorb the content that they consume on social media and ingrain it into how they communicate with others.
However, the language still has value when used thoughtfully.
“You should use mental health terms in conversations, but there’s a limit,” Warrier said. “You shouldn’t abuse words, because if you are expressing how you’re feeling, you want people to take you seriously.”
While social media has its downsides, it has also benefited Warrier by helping her recognize behaviors, become more open with others, and develop a more secure sense of identity.
“I feel like I’ve matured a lot and developed stronger emotional intelligence, largely because of my friends. I’ve learned how to be vulnerable with them, which has helped build my confidence and set clear expectations in my relationships,” Warrier said.
The issue isn’t the language itself, but how it’s learned and used. As more people turn to social media for information, it can become harder to tell the difference between professional guidance and general advice. Still, having language to describe emotions can be an important step toward understanding and working through them.
“Having the right words can allow the individual to feel normalized, validated, and have a place to begin healing. Oftentimes, it is not what you are experiencing that is the problem, but the fact that you feel like you are feeling it all alone,” Jorgensen said.
