A van transporting a highly dangerous alligator to the San Francisco zoo, lost the animal at a stop along Alameda, on Apr. 8, and it is currently loose at Carlmont High School.

The alligator is approximately seven feet long, and is of a rare species with a poisonous venom that can kill a human in less than eleven minutes.

The creature was named Nick by its handlers at its previous zoo in Wyoming, but will not respond to the name.It will in fact turn extremely violent and bite the nearest person if called by that name, due to its irrational hatred of the actor, Nicholas Cage.

In an attempt, early in Nick’s life, to socialize him and make him nicer, the zoo keepers let him watch the popular children film, National Treasure Hunt.

Halfway through the movie, after it was apparent nothing exciting could possible happen, Nick the alligator began thrashing about his pen in anger and even cracked the glass wall with his tail.

This alligator is not to be taken lightly, and it is advised that students do not wander the halls or campus by themselves.

If spotted, do not whack its nose as is shown in a popular arcade game, but do run away and report the siting to your local crocodile hunter.

[DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to a real incident is merely coincidental.]