(Note: I don’t mean to say I don’t like any of the  movies I feature in “Plot Holes.” I LOVE most of these movies. I just like making fun of them even more.)

1. Where does Gandalf keep going? Every now and again, he’ll disappear for days at a time, only to reappear again, expecting everyone to worship him like the quasi-Jesus he is. Sure, he may be doing something important, but why can’t he tell anyone? He and Batman need to compare notes on awkwardly disappearing.

2. Why Bilbo? We have over a dozen battle-ready dwarves with combat experience, a wizard with unfathomable power… and Bilbo. Three feet tall, never been combat trained, didn’t even KNOW Gandalf before the adventure… and yet apparently, he’s the best choice to accompany them. Shouldn’t they just bring another dwarf to steal the sword away from the dragon? Perhaps one named Bimboor. Or Stan.

3. The mountain trolls manage to steal almost all of the horses from right under the dwarves’ noses. The EIGHT-FOOT-TALL, loud, obnoxious, smelly trolls? They’re either ninjas, or all the dwarves have astigmatism.

4. “Come, my elfin subjects. Let’s travel hundreds of miles with our entire army to the battle of the dwarves, stop right on the edge of a cliff… and then turn back around without helping them. What do you mean that makes no sense and we’re compromising a potential alliance that would benefit us later? I need to make my point that… er… well, they’re FAR too dirty and smelly to be associated with us. Truly I am a great king!”

5. Bilbo learns to swordfight in one day, then immediately goes on to face goblins and orcs with ease. I have serious doubts about the training one has to go through to become an orc warrior.

6. How did Gandalf sneak into the goblin’s throne room? He appears right before the throne, passing several THOUSAND goblins on the way. Did none of them see him? Did he turn himself invisible? Sort of makes the One Ring a little useless…

7. Speaking of the One Ring, why did it take Gollum so long to realize it was missing. Is this the same Gollum who threw himself into a freaking VOLCANO to go after this thing? The same one who, apparently, hears the Ring TALKING to him? This Ring is his whole LIFE, and yet around half an hour goes by without him noticing he dropped it. Couldn’t the Ring just have said: “Hey, weirdo! I’m in this midget’s pocket!”

8. If Radagast is such a great wizard, with just as much power as Gandalf, why didn’t he help later in the war against Sauron? Wouldn’t the Lord of Nature have gotten a little peeved at all the trees being pulled up?

9. The party is under the leadership of Thorin Oakenshield, the world’s greatest navigator, and will follow him anywhere. The same Thorin Oakenshield who managed to get lost twice on the way to Bilbo’s house, which all of the other dwarves found with no problem in the slightest.

10. Giant eagles. Just, giant eagles. What, you had those things the entire time and you’re walking to the Misty Mountain?!