- Police say a man tried to rob a Boston bank but left with nothing but a scolding from a customer. The would-be robber allegedly walked into Eastern Bank in South Boston Thursday and gave the teller a note that said: “Give me all your money,” The Boston Globe reported. The teller refused and said the window was closed, police said.
- A Connecticut man was so upset about the lack of parking enforcement in his town that he parked his car illegally in a handicapped space and called police over a dozen times. When they showed up, they subdued him with a stun gun and arrested him.
- A woman driving in Washington tried to “flip the bird” at a fellow motorist, and succeeded in flipping something else… her car. Apparently, she was so involved with the obscene hand gestures, she lost control of the wheel and flipped her car over a guide rail.
- A man was arrested in a pet store recently for trying to steal a few snakes… by shoving them into his underwear.
- In Mesa County, a deputy trying to subdue a man went so far as to grab him by the genitals. The suspect is now pressing charges against the deputy.
- A teacher in Omaha was arrested for child abuse for encouraging two arguing students to resolve their problems through a twenty-minute long fist fight.
- In Arizona, an electric road sign was hijacked, and for an entire day it read, “ROGUE PANDA ON RAMPAGE”.
- In Philadelphia a mailman was attacked by three assailants, who pelted him with paint balls. Why? No one knows.
- A Somerville man was recently arrested after trying to rob a bank. He accidentally locked his keys inside his getaway car.
- In Franklin County, two deputies were in trouble after feeding an inmate a bologna sandwich that had been rubbed on another inmates genitals.
- A woman in Florida recently tried to sell her five-year-old son for $2,000.
- Abercrombie recently released a statement concerned about the fact that people seeing Mike “The Situation” Sorentino wearing Abercrombie clothing may be damaging to the company’s image.
Why America is doomed
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