Jacob Galatin

As he aims to solve the nation’s most pressing issues, President Donald Trump insists that buying Greenland is an absolute necessity. Danish officials have rejected Trump’s calls to give up Greenland. Nevertheless, acquiring Greenland from Denmark should be a top priority for all Americans.

Any American willing to put the United States first must help President Donald Trump liberate Greenland.

Trump said in a press conference last week that he would buy Greenland with the full support of its inhabitants, calling it inevitable. Trump’s imperialist scheme will benefit all of us and, just maybe, Greenlanders too.

“It has nothing to do with the United States, other than we’re the one that can provide the freedom,” Trump said.

In proposing to buy Greenland, Trump has offered a solution to the issues hurting ordinary Americans the most: inflation, climate change, and illegal immigration. 

Trump will use an economic policy that originated in feudal Europe to revive the U.S. economy. Trump’s move to buy Greenland is inspired by mercantilism, a genius economic philosophy that peaked in the 18th century. According to leading mercantilists — all decomposed but still trustworthy — the U.S. should measure its success on the amount of gold and silver imported into the country.

Greenland has 1.7 million tons of rare earth minerals, according to the United States Geological Survey (USGS). If the U.S. doesn’t invade Greenland immediately, Europe’s monarchs will seize the opportunity to take control of the global economy.

Regarding inflation, ordinary Americans can help colonize Greenland if they feel unsatisfied with the current economic situation.

After buying Greenland, Trump will seize the opportunity to act on the climate crisis. Drawing on his experience in the real estate industry, Trump will melt the Greenland Ice Sheet to give more Americans an oceanfront home. 

“The biggest threat is not global warming, where the ocean’s going to rise one-eighth of an inch over the next 400 years. You’ll have more oceanfront property, right?” Trump said in an interview on Aug. 12 last year on X with Elon Musk.

If the entire Greenland Ice Sheet were to melt, the sea level would rise by around seven meters, according to Scientific American. According to data from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), a significant portion of Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate would be submerged in the ocean if this were to happen.

Trump will take advantage of Greenland’s melting ice and drill for oil, which had been previously inaccessible. According to a report from USGS, there could be around 17.5 billion barrels of undiscovered oil off the coast of Greenland. It looks like it’s time to “Drill, baby, drill.”

In addition to being Trump’s solution for the climate crisis, Greenland will be the basis of Trump’s plan to stop illegal immigration. 

Greenland is scarcely populated, with around 57,000 residents, according to data from the United Nations. Trump can use Greenland as a large deportation center for undocumented immigrants. Greenland’s frigid temperatures and harsh climate will surely deter migrants from entering the U.S. 

These immigrants could transform Greenland into an important colony, but only if the U.S. follows the advice of leading 18th-century economists.